Seeing out the old

The crackers have all been cracked, the turkey has all been made into sandwiches and curries, the tree is looking malevolently at you, daring you to take it down, the Merry Christmases have all been wished, the hugs, kisses and handshakes shared, and the hangovers should just about be fading. For us, the three days of Christmas celebration were equal parts spent with family, old friends, and new friends from next door. We ate, we laughed, I cried a little, mainly  happy tears with those closest members of the tribe, and once with sadness when visiting the cemetery at Beighton, where my grandparents, great grandparents, auntie, uncle and other relatives have their final resting place. It’s a place I’ve visited often through my life, though not recently, and although I was hit with a wave of sadness, it was good to remember them, to reconnect with the past and in the fading light, to reflect on this last year, and look toward the next.

2017 has been a turbulent, frustrating and ultimately hard year, and when the bells ring at midnight on Sunday, it will be with much sadness but no regrets that I close the book, and move on to the next chapter. After the short time of celebration though, it is with a slightly restored feeling of hope that I look out toward the horizon, and as the new year approaches in its shiny, explosive finery, I can see the first rays of light, the beginning of new and better times ahead, I’ve had a lot of time to think, and although I’m still uncertain about the road ahead, the fear of the road is diminishing, and my resolve to make the most of the upcoming year is as strong as it has been for a long time. I still have my moments of anxiety, of dread and of despair but they are fewer and more fleeting, also their debilitating effect has been greatly mitigated by the medication, and the thought of getting the therapy sessions started next month is a spur to keep me going.

As we get towards the end, of this post, and this year, I want to take this chance once again to thank everyone in my life whose love and support over these last couple of months has been so wonderful, and has kept me going through the darkest moments, there are too many to list individually, I’m incredibly fortunate in that regard, but on every level, and every concentric ring of the tribal circle, from the innermost, to those who have been there with a kind word, I feel lifted from the storm, and strengthened to get one foot in front of the other, come what may, each day, one at a time.

I wish you all the best year ahead, filled with joy, love, success, fun, and the best of health. I love you all. Thank you. x